May 4 2020
Hello, and thank you from the studio!
I started writing this over a month ago. It has taken me some time to work out what I wanted to say. I wanted to get it right. Although things have unfurled quietly, and another shift feels imminent, the sentiments still ring true so I will just send it before it becomes obsolete.
It has been almost 3 weeks since the first news of all my contracts being suspended arrived in my mailbox. I had a total freak-out. I was so worried about how to pay my rents, how to keep afloat during all of this, and then homeschool on top of it. I was worried about everyone else too and how they would figure it out. Then one day, I had a little epiphany. I am always worried about money and paying my rent and I'm always worried about everyone else too. I like to worry, that is nothing new. What was new about this unprecedented situation was that without the contracts dictating my time, I could make whatever I wanted. Without the fear, it's like a beautiful quiet dream and, without worry, it's total creative freeedom. I decided then and there that it would be an oppurtunity squandered, to not give it all I've got right now. To not make things that mean the most to me but choose to become paralyzed by fear would be a moment wasted. So, I put my head down and worked, there was no other option.
I am so grateful I have a medium to help me articulate all my thoughts and feelings. I have often thought about impermanence and beauty in the face of adversity, flourishing in inhospitable circumstances, about solitude and security, surrender, acceptance, longing, loss, control and sorrow, about community, relationships and belonging. My favourite states of being are; change, evolution and transformation. This global phenomenon has only magnified these subjects and given me alot to work with. Spring keeps springing, people find ways to cope, even flourish, people freak out or continue to live in fear, but regardless, life continues with or without us. What really matters is how we choose to use this time that has been given to us without our asking. I am eternally thankful for the support I've received over the years for my work and other projects, I am always in awe every time anyone buys something from me. Truly. I've been able to pay my rents, remain buoyant and inspired, support others however I can AND homeschool (somewhat questionably) and that is more than enough. So, thank you so so much! Wishing everyone the best that can possibly come from this strange time. There is much to be gleaned if we can remain open to all of the possibilities, learn to see what we were once blind to, and carry it forward into our futures. All the love and some more thank you's! Janaki